observation

people say that drama people are strange, but i am here to tell you that sports people are equally bizarre. the main difference i observe is that the number of people comfortable with the sports culture is astoundingly larger than the number of theatre people, which makes odd behaviour on behalf of the jocks seem more acceptable socially. thespians never slap each other on the rear to show signs of approval, nor do we cheer one another on with a chorus of nonsense, such as, "dig deep," "push through the pain," "give it everything you got..." cheering i get, but the euphemisms i do not. in addition, dramatists do not say things like, "i got a pr in reading lines today." i suppose it could be argued that we are not working nearly as hard reading lines as someone lifting weights, but anyone who has ever tried to dance, sing, and act simultaneously knows that it is no walk in the park. i'm not dissing sports, and i am not done with crossfit, i am merely stating that sports folk are just as weird as drama people; furthermore, i would appreciate a little acknowledgement that such extreme people are not really that different in the end.

november

My uncle is not long for this world. They give him a couple of days at the most. What is it about November that brings death in my life? Last year I lost a pregnancy in November, 5 years ago I lost my Uncle, 6 years ago my husband's grandfather suffered a heart attack on Thanksgiving morning, which led to the revelation of stomach cancer and, subsequently, a month long deterioration. This is fast becoming a dreaded month for me. Is it not enough that holidays are no longer occasions to treasure, now that my husband is a member of the clergy? I am overwhelmed by the bleakness that fall represents. It was in the fall that my friend's son lost his fight with lukemia, that I was in a major auto accident taking the lives of two people(as a child), that my dad was imprisoned(a week after the accident), and that two sets of friends ended their relationship, leaving many people wounded in the aftermath. I recently heard that fall anciently represented a sort of death, as crops were harvested and nature became dormant in preparation of winter. I also heard that people thought that the spirit world was more active in fall, because of the shortened daylight. All of that, though seemingly foolish, combines in my mind to create a sleepy hollow type connection with this time of year. Be it the month or the season. Now I recognize that I am blogging out of grief. There are many good things about fall... cooler weather, the birth of my eldest child, the changing of the leaves. I know life is not hopeless. I will try to focus on the positive. For now I will give myself permission to grieve, and maybe take the baby outside to bask in the beauty of nature and motherhood.

so the days have summer have slipped behind us. we push further on. the first week of school was a harried blur. we started the week by hosting a birthday party for our niece. a great time, but trying to establish a routine with a house full of people day 1 is not ideal. i baked her paleo carrot muffins, since she just got diagnosed with celiacs disease. the family was leary, but found them as delicious in the end. i have started back to school with a vengeance. i am taking 3 online classes, 2 in flex, back to back. for now i have 2 classes to deal with. but, anyone who knows me knows what a ridiculous perfectionist i can be. so i have been trying to balance housework, cooking, a toddler, the after school ordeal, workouts in my home, class, and family time. i didn't want to neglect anything, so i tried to attend to everything without failure. i ended up breaking out in hives by wednesday. suffice it to say, i am not supermom. not by a lot. week 2 started with a commemorative wod for 9/11 at the cfbr. loads of fun. this was my 1st time back to the box after my month long god required hiatus from crossfit. i was scared.i made great time, and impressed myself. that is until i looked at the board and realized that i had shorted myself 50 sit ups. grrrr. about the hiatus: god told me to take time off. i kicked. i screamed. i cried. i argued. i cheated. i thought of all the ways he loves us and has our best interest in mind. i ended up starting up about a week ago. he didn't say i could go back, but i felt peace about trying it out. the thing is, my leg injury is healed. i have had this injury since january, when we ran the tough mudder. that month off healed me. i bet if i had known the fruit of it i wouldn't have fought so hard against it. then again... why the kids go back to school before labor day is a mystery. i am so looking forward to a schedule. yes, i just said that. it is when you know your parameters that you can experiment with them. as disorganized as i can be, i crave the sanity in knowing what to expect. i hope to get some crafting in soon. if i am going to have a very handmade christmas, i need to get it done. tomorrow i am making the homemade laundry soap and homemade dishwasher detergent that i found on pintrest. good things. fall brings possibilities.

blog worthy

so, I normally don't blog, since it is such a pain in the neck to do from my phone. I have made an exception today, because I am so excited. I have been trying to eat more primal for 5 days now. Considering my chocolate chip cookie addiction, this hasn't been easy. A friend of mine asked me to make some paleo banana carrot muffins. I agreed, but found that almond meal costs upwards of $13 per bag. I am trying to stick with my Dave Ramsey budget, so I decided to buy almonds in bulk from Costco and make my own almond flour. I came across a web page that shows how to make almond milk and almond meal from the same batch of almonds. I am drying the meal in the over right now. I got 71/2 cups of almond milk out of this batch. I feel so thrifty, so accomplished. Good things!

lace

once a promise opened wide
horizon stretched on either side
hope and purpose filled each step
with a glittering radiant light.
but all too soon the light snuffed out
filling hearts with pain and doubt
preventing sight or venturing beyond what is seen.
tender flutterings passing by
gentle heartache for you and i
ever left considering empty possibilities.
lost
taken
not mistaken
memory left undiluted.
lace
laughter
flourishing after
the dismal day you had to die.

encore

so, here is a concept that i find really irritating, the encore.

you are at a show. you wait and wait to hear a favorite song, but the show is now over and said song was never played.(realistically, for me, it is just the most popular songs, because i tend to gravitate towards the obscure, but you get what i mean.)

everyone starts clapping, cheering, begging for the artists to return to the stage. we are delighted when they grace us with their presence for a few more songs. how generous they were to indulge us.

did anybody ever wonder why the most famous songs were withheld until the end? did it never occur to us that encores are actually a part of the set list? they are not indulging us, people, they are finishing their show!

it is even more tiresome when they go offstage and make a second encore appearance. who are we fooling? do we need to go through the production? can we not just grant them a water or restroom break without ceremony?

perhaps not. maybe this is the best way, but i would much rather participate without false pretenses on either side. maybe it's just me. i'm just saying...

tidbits of info

I know when I am excited about something, because it shows up in my dreams. Last night, I again dreamt about the Kellers, which means I am jazzed about going to crossfit tonight. If I were remotely self-motivated, perhaps I would be successful at working out at home. This is not the case, and I am craving a good workout. Taking a walk with the kids is fun and good quality time, but it is not improving my muscle tone.

In other news, the fury that has been my life is about to lose fuel. I take my algebra final tomorrow. Then I am finished with school until the fall. Andrew will be out of school soon, so I will no longer have time restraints in the evenings. This will be such a relief. I am such a night owl. Working on the school schedule does not suit me very well; adds copious amounts of stress to my already overwhelmed life.

We finished Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University about 3 weeks ago. That was one less weekly obligation. I just have such poor time management skills that i can never seem to get anywhere on time. Then I feel like a failure and live on adrenaline, as I run mad like an animal infected with rabies. It feels awful, but I seriously do not know what i am thinking. Like when I think I need to leave my house, which is positioned at least 30 traveling minutes from anywhere, at the time that I actually need to be at a place. Crazy!

Summer will be a welcomed break. Anna and I will still homeschool, but we work on our time frame. If we have to do math at 8:30 pm, we can do it. I won't have to try to remember to have the eldest son read, practice his saxophone, do his chores, work on his homework, eat dinner, take a shower, and fit in a little down time in the 4 hours he his home after school; all the while juggling dinner, hungry baby, tired baby, laundry, dishes, workout, quality time, church, Dave Ramsey

I can't wait to go to the pool, to the beach, to do things with friends. There are so many wonderful things to look forward to in the summer. Summer is my favorite season of the year. I know that sounds crazy, since I live in the great state of Texas, where it gets HOT, but I like it like that!

Wanted to do a little rambling between studying.