november

My uncle is not long for this world. They give him a couple of days at the most. What is it about November that brings death in my life? Last year I lost a pregnancy in November, 5 years ago I lost my Uncle, 6 years ago my husband's grandfather suffered a heart attack on Thanksgiving morning, which led to the revelation of stomach cancer and, subsequently, a month long deterioration. This is fast becoming a dreaded month for me. Is it not enough that holidays are no longer occasions to treasure, now that my husband is a member of the clergy? I am overwhelmed by the bleakness that fall represents. It was in the fall that my friend's son lost his fight with lukemia, that I was in a major auto accident taking the lives of two people(as a child), that my dad was imprisoned(a week after the accident), and that two sets of friends ended their relationship, leaving many people wounded in the aftermath. I recently heard that fall anciently represented a sort of death, as crops were harvested and nature became dormant in preparation of winter. I also heard that people thought that the spirit world was more active in fall, because of the shortened daylight. All of that, though seemingly foolish, combines in my mind to create a sleepy hollow type connection with this time of year. Be it the month or the season. Now I recognize that I am blogging out of grief. There are many good things about fall... cooler weather, the birth of my eldest child, the changing of the leaves. I know life is not hopeless. I will try to focus on the positive. For now I will give myself permission to grieve, and maybe take the baby outside to bask in the beauty of nature and motherhood.