spring break

our three days of spring are nearly over. technically speaking, the kids have a week, but corey wants us to start getting the house market ready as soon as we get home tomorrow. we have painting, packing, planting, and all sorts of things in store for us upon our return from stephenville.
the vacation has been wonderful. the kids have been living their huck finn/ tom sawyer fantasies out here. they have been fishing, riding horses, exploring the land, examining tracks, and all sorts of back to nature things.
i enjoy watching andrew, in particular, because this seems to give him a measure of peace that i have never noticed in him. he seems so grown up and free. he did more horseback riding than anna did, which surprised us all. he just got up on scooter and meandered around the yard. barefoot even.
this knowledge does cause a bit of anxiety in me about moving to the suburbs. we will be saving money, but at a cost. i'm not convinced that we will truly eliminate the whole 'being stuck between two worlds' ordeal, because living in the country gives us a different perspective than those living in the city. it is not much different than being different than the people we live with in the country because we have a different, sometimes more progressive world view. we may just have the 'odd man out' syndrome regardless.
we went to dinosaur valley state park today. i feel so complete in open country like that. it makes me feel connected to "my ancestors." corey likes to tease me aboput this, but it is what it is. i feel connected to my native roots when i get out in the wild. a weird thing happens to me, though; i get really restless. i have a terrible time staying out in nature for more than 3 hours at a stretch. it doesn't matter if it's a state park, the folk festival, the river, the lake, the beach, the park, i have to go after a couple of hours. i am praying about this. it doesn't seem right. what is causing this restlessness, this anxiety about something that fills me up so completely?
off to bed now. hopefully i will get a chance to watch the sunrise again.we leave for home after lunch time, and we want to get up early enough to fit in as much as we can before we leave.

i am in a season of just adoring my husband. we all know that he is quite adorable, but this is more than just acknowledging that. this is deeper.

i am learning to trust him. to walk in his shadow without fear or anxiety. i enjoy being his counterpart. i want to support and encourage him. i desire to behold the greatness he is capable of. i am amazed at what God has done in him. and through him.

i marvel at his sincere faith. his simplicity. his generous spirit. his delight in delighting in others.

i am so grateful for this man.

i don't want to doubt, nag, fear any longer. Lord, please help me be the woman i need to be. i can't do it without you.

33

so, i turned 32 2 days before elijah was born. that made me 32 with 3 kids. a few months into this, i got it into my head that i was 33 years old, thus eliminating a year of my life by making me a year older. i went so far as to tell my husband that he was lying about his age, based on my calculations of my own age.

i have since realized that i am only 32 years old. my birthday is in may. i will enjoy being 32 for as long as i can.

i was laughing to myself about this, and considered this to be a blogworthy tidbit. hope you enjoyed it.

new york calling

we were fortunate to take a trip to nyc last september. it was epic- as my son would say. we walked as much as we possibly could, we did times square, we went to central park, we ate bagels, and the 'best' pizza in new york. we saw wicked on broadway, went to a yankees game, ate at a swanky restaurant, walked the brooklyn bridge. we had such a great time.

i was pregnant, however. having morning sickness on the subway, during the play, while walking the city was less than desirable. though, it is hard to forget vomiting in the little bags provided on the plane as your touches down.

none the less, i have been obsessing about new york for many months now. it made sense when they year anniversary marker was coming up. now it is what it is. i want to go to new york! never forget, i am an only child, prone to red faced, kicking, screaming, sweaty fits. i feel like having one now.

never mind the fact that we have a 10 month old who is still nursing. don't look at the fact that we are doing dave ramsey, trying to get out of debt and build wealth to insure a more comfortable future. disregard completely the fact that we have saved no money for a vacation of any sort. I WANT TO GO!

hillsong church has a plant in new york, which certainly inflames my desire to go. for those of you who don't know, i have a ridiculous passion for hillsong, united in particular. but guess what, many of the people from united travel overseas to be part of this church plant.

oh, how i want to go. i want to take my children. yes, i said i wanted to take my children. i realize that i am the biggest scaredy cat-worry wart ever, but i guess i am willing to swallow all of that for such an opportunity.

i doubt we will be going. i, therefore, lament.

1492

he embraces things.

signs, and rings, and nuances often left out.

he has a way with words that brings tears to your eyes.

he is never out of place.

always has to save face.

he has a title.

it is his crown.

he is an explorer,

plumbing the depths of the world,

breaking beyond barriers that hold lesser ones back.

he doesn't look back.

he is fearless.

he mounts on wings, circling ever higher upon the currents which hold time to his soul.

cadence unfiltered.

undaunted.

he laughs impetuously,

his laughter chiming brightly into the eerie night.

he neither knows nor cares that they are watching,

as they always do.

it doesn't affect him.

light filters from a brazen sun through tangles in his golden hair,

revealing a smile as pure as ice.

he is a glacier, freezing and burning her timid heart.

she need not fear in his shadow.

weightlessly they make their way.

time emboldens the faint and feeble.

they are united,

coupled as the sun and the sky,

experiencing changes in the upper atmosphere.

barometric pressure.

so much to treasure in this moment.

uncertainty.

two souls recklessly invite time and consequence

whilest they journey onward to the horizon,

where awaits consequence, endless opportunity, and lands yet discovered.

consider the sea from the sands of the shore,

things are rarely as stable.